My Story
A Path to Radical Authenticity
I am a successfully recovered workaholic.
The lesson learned the hard way: "I don't need to earn my worth."
In my late thirties, I went through a deep soul search. I wanted to engage with life in a different, meaningful and fulfilling way. I no longer wanted to do something I was really good at; I wanted to do something I was passionate about and that had me feel I was contributing to the world in a way, which brought fulfilment and satisfaction to myself and to the people I worked with.
I loved business and I felt great being in my element, using my sharp intellect as my core strength, and yet something was missing.
At the end of my thirties I used to smoke and have a glass or two of wine almost every evening as a way to cut off from the long hours of work.
Even though I did a lot of personal development work throughout the years, my workaholism patterns were keeping me stuck and not engaged with life. I was avoiding really living life, numbing with intellectual work.
I didn’t feel the life force in my body.
Thinking about "What next?", I was swayed between doing a further qualification in business consultancy, or pursuing a path which would touch the souls of the people I would work with.
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I chose the less familiar route
I trained as a coach in 2013 and my life changed direction. Working with people on creating positive changes in their lives and businesses brought me real connection with my heart, inspiration and excitement in my life. I was finally feeling that I was contributing to the world in a fulfilling way.
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The Journey
My personal development journey started in my late twenties with an eating disorder that I developed after my second consciously interrupted pregnancy. I went through therapy and it unlocked my interest in psychology, personal development, metaphysics, Eastern energy practices and later on Hermetic principles, perennial philosophy, Western esoteric traditions, spiritual sciences, conscious sexuality, substance-free altered states of consciousness. Holistic approaches and mind-body-spirit alignment were always favourite fields of interest for me. I never settled on a single philosophy, belief system or practice. I tried and tested different things throughout the years, and different things helped me at different times. I spent years of rigorous self-enquiry and personal development work following the longing of my soul to truly know who I was. There is a special wisdom which emerges when we experience multiple perspectives and multiple intelligences.
A significant breaking point in my life was moving from Bulgaria to England in 2010. I was invited by a friend of mine to come to London to run her business, as she was planning a career change. After a year of working together I decided to change direction.
At that point my dark night of the soul had begun. I knew that even if I changed countries, I would keep repeating and re-creating the same old circumstances, experiences and relationships if I did not make profound changes to aspects of myself which no longer served me. Not just on the surface, but deep, deep inside of me, to the core of my being.
I made a decision to listen to the subtle voice of my intuition. Even though it felt scary and irrational to leave the job and not to go back to Bulgaria, I stayed in London. I had the determination to do what it takes to succeed and to follow my authentic path. Despite the fear. I dived into the unknown in search of a meaningful life journey.
I took risks. I risked rejection, failure, disappointment, disillusion. But never ceased my search for meaning and purpose in my life. As long as I kept staying on the path and looking, I knew I would find my way to happiness.
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Life as a charming, rich journey.
The sense of stability and security didn't come from material possessions or career positions. It came through following the subtle voice of my intuition, trusting my inner radar and my internal compass, that it would lead my soul towards its highest good.
The biggest lessons I learned came from my disappointments and breakdowns; from facing my fear as a doorway to the unknown; from risking going out of my comfort zone and keeping myself stretched; from embracing the unknown, especially when the next step was very scary, but the subtle inner voice was whispering quietly: "Go..." ~ with the pull of my Living Heart.
I learned to honour all of my feelings, to respect and learn from the 'difficult' ones. I appreciate each moment as meaningful, and I am grateful for all experiences.
The most profound breaking point
The most profound breaking point in my life happened when I crashed with chronic fatigue in my mid-forties. I had unconsciously dragged my workaholism into the inspiring realm of coaching, pursuing new experiences with intensity higher than ever before. The chronic fatigue turned the perimenopause into an extremely challenging health experience. On the other side, the naked reality emerged in the form of radical integrity and reverence for truth, as fierce, driving life-giving forces.
Today, I feel gratitude and appreciation for everything in my life more than ever before. I use inspiration and insight to recalibrate my inner compass guidance. It is much easier for me to take each step on my path from a place of being connected to a higher purpose ~ with love, enjoyment, commitment and loving devotion. I start my days with practices that keep me connected to my heart and to my inner wisdom. I am committed to loving myself unconditionally and staying grounded in my clear space.
I have a daily transcendental meditation practice, combined with mindfulness, prayer and other consciousness practices. It is imperative for me to meditate daily to keep myself in a clear heart-centred space, connected to my intuition.
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We are all work in progress. In our own way, each one of us is a traveller on a journey.
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I believe that the world needs more people who are centered in their hearts, as this is what raises the vibration on Earth.
I look forward to hearing your story, getting to know you, and helping you to connect with your soul and spirit on a more fulfilling life journey.
Namaste.
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